Overcoming My Motherhood Struggle
In my small apartment in Santa Monica, California, as I'm sitting at my kitchen table, looking at my bank account with just a few thousand dollars, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with thoughts. "How will I ever pay off my $20,000 credit card debt? What about over $100,000 in family loans and monthly expenses including rent of $1,800, car insurance, car payments, utilities bills and supporting my two children? Will I be able to make it? What if my children and I become homeless? What will my children think of me? Will they be ashamed of me or see me as a failure? Will they look down on me? Will I lose their respect for me?" These thoughts make me feel insecure about my abilities as a mom. I am exhausted, lost, and everything seems to be falling apart. My relationship with my son is deteriorating, and we fight every day, which also negatively affects his relationship with his sister. The loneliness becomes unbearable, that I even contemplate death at times. However, I know that I cannot abandon my children. They need me, and I have to be there for them.
To find solace, I turn to meditation and walks in nature, contemplating the meaning of life which leads to internal work that heals my inner conflicts. Little did I know that these journeys would transform me. I feel liberated. I become more mindful, focused, patient, and tolerant. I have inner peace, love, and compassion. I have learned to embrace uncertainty and step out of my comfort zone. This process has allowed me to reconnect with my authentic self and appreciate the present moment.
As a result, my relationship with my son has improved, and we now understand and respect each other. We accept and value our differences, and I am proud of the young evolved man he is becoming. My relationship with my daughter has always been positive, and it has become even deeper and more enriched. I am equally proud of the strong and determined woman she is becoming. Also, my finance has dramatically improved as well.
Now, I wake up every day with purpose, excited to explore what life has to offer. Being a mom has enhanced and expanded my life, and I am grateful for it. My experiences have inspired me to help other moms transform and become the most positive and impactful moms they can be while fostering happy and healthy relationships with their children.